Tuesday, October 2, 2007

A little more about us....it will take a life time of words to explain how my world revolves around him!

I don't believe I am a good writer.

I try..J3 says I am, But he is too kind(Mr. Nice Guy)
So here I am going to attempt to explain a little more about how we met and why I feel we are so fortunate that fate stepped in and brought us together.

Perhaps 15 or so years ago, I got plugged into the Internet and discovered the alt and the BDSM world,this was when the internet had BBS chat rooms and it was mostly an online game.

Among my discoveries was the knowledge that I was being turned on by wanting to submit myself in a way that most people would never even think of. Wow I am not alone in my fantasies! This is great. But still I was leery because you cant really meet someone off the internet…can you?

Spankings were a fairly mild kink and the extreme is what I wanted.

Not just an online affair. I wanted to explore the darkest deepest recesses of my mind. I wasn’t able to tell anyone how turned on I was when technology advanced and I could read about kink and fetish information from sites like Undernet IRC channels. Sites with information on real life and online BDSM. Where people could meet and talk about their alt feelings with out judgment or fear. Some trying to find a partner to share this power exchange with.

I read and read and read and read. The more I read the more turned on I was and the more I dream t and wished I could find a partner to share my thoughts dreams and desires with.

I have always felt very different from everyone else, and as though I had a dark, dirty surreptitious mind. I was nervous someone would discover, because I felt ashamed. That is, I had always felt like this until I met J3 and I was astonished that he also had the same thoughts and ideas and dreams, just in a dominate way. The way I always dream t about.

I often felt that maybe I was a freak, and read way too many books.
I often wanted and would dream of the strong, sexy but tender, loving and kind, but very dominate man to take me and keep me as his. To totally surrender my mind, body, and soul to a man that would cherish me and my gift of submission to him.

J3 found me through yahoo personals, an ad that I had placed just to see if I could find someone who had thoughts and dreams like mine, I never thought I would find this person. He didn't exist.

Then one day the message from him popped up! Of course we did the exchanging of pictures and when I saw him I thought to myself” My goodness he is so sexy….so handsome, there is no way I could ever attract a man with such distinguished, handsome, rugged, sexy looks.”

Well after a few weeks of his persistence, talking and getting to know each other a little better on the internet and a couple of phone calls he asked me to meet him … Here he was, offering to drive over a hundred miles to meet for coffee even after seeing I wasn’t a beauty queen…or even close to one. He thought I was beautiful. He said I was sensual,My goodness how wonderful it felt those words.He must be trying to butter me up!

anyway… I agreed to meet him, it was September of 2001. Why not …what could it hurt I thought.

We met in Chelsea, Michigan Home of Jiffy Mixes!

After our breakfast and a BDSM check list I marked with low numbers for scores in fear that I would scare him off….Being to freaky for him.

I never believed he would want to see me again, but to my surprise when we left the restaurant he went to his truck the returned to my car with presents in hand !

Presents!! WOW! How sweet was he!! I couldn't believe it!! And he even wrapped them with soft red tissue paper!

While we were talking in the car, he presented me with two gifts, I opened them and when I saw the crop I must have been gleaming! I know I bit my lip and I sighed when I saw the black and white photo book with shiny fetish photo picture on the cover. He then placed the crop towards my lips and said bite. I did...I tasted the leather and glimpse of his control. I was offering my self to him in a way I never imagined I would to any one. Then he grabbed the back of my head and forced a kiss on me that knocked me off guard and I loved it! A man that takes what he wants….this is too good to be true! he wanted me. ME! You could have knocked me over with a feather!

I was completely smitten.

We went to downtown Chelsea and walked through a bookstore, shared a mocha(he likes coffee extra points!) We walked around town holding hands . I was so giddy! My cheeks were aching from smiling so much! Then to the hardware store and waked through looking at all the things we could explore our "evil" imaginations with…ropes…chains and wood oh my!

And he likes old dusty hardware stores and libraries and museums. This has got to be too good to be true. When am I going to wake up? I hope !! I hope it’s not a dream.

We found out that we are so compatible on so many levels. He is the opposite side of the coin for me; I had to be with this man.

I never thought I would be. There were to many reasons that I thought he would never want to be with me.

But I needed his strength. I wanted his dominance.I craved him!

I knew I was falling in love.

IN LOVE! For the first time in my life!

This is how it’s supposed to be for me. How I imagined it would be. But things happen when they are supposed to and we took it day by day.

I won’t get into the sorted details of the time it took to get to where we are now because some of them are not so good and they are long and not something we want to keep remembering.

But we did meet as often as time would let him get away to see me and although we both experienced some hard times and many months of rough roads and hurt and I can remember some tears too, but we made it through and we had so many more good times the bad ones faded away like a pages in a book that become tattered or torn. Faded But those pages made us who we are today and now day by day it just keeps getting better. I've learned to be patient and that it’s not a bad thing to have to wait for good things to happen.

We persevered in the face of obstacles, and during those times as I relocated to West Michigan to be with my
love we leaned on each other and peeled back more layers and found out that the us we are, is who we always want to be ...forever. Together, thriving off each other.

It’s been 6 years now that we’ve been together... in such bliss that simple words will never explain the joy I share with him.

I have such a peace inside me, a total and complete freeness – something I never thought I would ever feel.
I couldn’t have even imagined what it would feel like. Remember I had only dreamed of this man…he couldn’t possibly really exist.

Layer after layer we exposed to each other our souls, sharing everything and anything about ourselves, our past, or future, our wants desires and needs. Things we had never dared share with anyone for fear of rejection or humiliation (not the good kind).

When I shared with my partner my need to be taken, used tormented treated as his whore…his slut…his bitch, humiliated (the good kind) and used, instead of rejecting me, he loved me even more.

It was the first time anyone had ever truly seen all of me and still he loves me and he tells me that I am his reason... his everything. And I know I am because I feel so loved, wanted and needed. Feelings I never imagined in my dreams…..but that I am so filled with joy from I sometimes feel I am not worthy. But I am learning that I am….and I am allowed to be truly happy, Both of us enjoying our happiness together.

I have so much more self esteem just having been able to finally able to share my deepest darkest parts of my being. I had kept these secrets inside me for over 30 years, and now here he wanted to share these parts of my soul ….all of my parts….unconditionally. I continue to grow with him and learn about ourselves.
Not only the alt parts….but the everyday parts as well.

The part of life we sometimes refer to as “stirring the oatmeal” and even this everyday vanilla life we have so many things in common, sometimes its scary…but in a good way!

Along with so many little things. And a lot of big things too!

Safe, sane and consensual, tolerant, warmth, content, and complete.

Lots of different folks have an interest in relationships in which the man is in control. Some people might like extremely planned “scenes”;
D/s people might stress the idea of training and service; Other people might stress punishment spanking;

We might not want to get too fixed on any one way a he can control me.

We are fetishists that happen to enjoy the power exchange that a M/s or Sadists and masochists relationship take pleasure in. S & M, bondage, and so many other aspects of an alternative lifestyle, it is the give and take of control ..The trust that we share. Whether mentally, intimately, or sexually, we both enjoy!

Visit any BDSM forum and you will see repetitive amounts of arguing about protocol, who may address whom and how, who has been “in the lifestyle” for how long , people castigating one another for incorrect form, and lots of pressure on how to become “a better submissive”.

We just happen to want to explore our own preferences and ideas in this sphere in an unfettered way.

Mind you I don’t doubt that many people find tranquility and enjoy the protocol.

We just don’t follow the norm as BDSM is portrayed on the internet.

Yes he is Dominant, and I am submissive.

However, there are times when he lets me drive and then he is allowed to let go and enjoy flying high with me by his side. Holding him as he soars in places only he has taken me to.

I love that he trusts me enough to be able to let go ,share and enjoy the space he takes me to.

Feeling the pleasure he allows me to when I am under his control.

And I do enjoy the power exchange. The trust. Knowing he has never shared these parts with any one person except for me, To share this with him is truly an honor.

If you’ve read about BDSM in a M/s relationship this is almost unheard of.

But if you asked me which I prefer, I would much rather be kneeling before him with my head resting on his chaps, inhaling the rugged scent of the leather and taking great pleasure in his grip on my hair. The grin on his face when he says... ”You're mine!” The power exchange is trust and a synergy we share it is most incredible. We thrive on this force and I believe it’s a huge part of what makes our relationship so wonderfully unique.

Lots of power shifts, combining respect with pain, and pleasure. Domination roles. Submissive roles.

Many roles, many fantasies...So much to share and explore. Limits pushed and the unknown exposed.

I am his!

His leather bitch...his pony... his puppet...his latex whore...his puppy ...his slave.

submissive to him.

HIS.....and he is mine!

The entirety of us....is just us.

The whole is greater than the sum of our parts
This is where I belong...where I longed to be.
I'm so thankful he found me.”

Be Well, J3s-Wendy


Lilj * Daddy (Nawa*G) said...

Hey guys

Congrats on the new blog, lil*j and I were pleased to meet you at the rope group and glad you had a good time. I will tell you, you write incredibly well. Very much enjoyed the blogs already and we will add you to our blog list!

G & j

J3 & Wendy said...

Hey Thanks you two! *smiles*+
I look forward to J3 adding his thoughts to our blog. He is the terrific writer!

J3 has always wanted me to keep a blog,Ive tried in the past,but somehow it never really read well. So I would usually loose track and stop writing.

Thank you for stopping by an adding us.I believe that your blog has been a great part in inspiring me to start over. I love reading about your adventures. I believe you have found the same kind of love people only dream of finding.
It looks like it anyway when I saw the smiles in both of your eyes when G was suspending j.
It was a pleasure to meet you as well and we look forward to future rope meetings!